Guilty as Charged

I always tell myself I should post more often.  But I don't. So when I do, it ends up being really short as I jot off important events while running to do something else.

So, what's new, you ask? Well, I'll tell you.

• I got the part of Dolly Tate in HHS's production of Annie Get Your Gun
• I finally finished PE, and subsequently switched into Psych
• I paid my housing deposit for WKU
• I'm on the job hunt, and
• I'm about to go watch Once Upon a Time. (WATCH IT. IT'S GOOD!)

And that is all. 

Goodnight, my fellow homo sapiens!

When...

A guy friend says he likes you
Said friend is persistent
You can only come up with Spanish words when you're trying to think in English and vice versa
The past is brought back up to the surface

All in one day. This has been quite a day...

So Much to Say...

The Crucible was cancelled... I cried myself to sleep that night.

But! On the plus side, callbacks for Annie Get Your Gun were today, and I THINK I may have a shot at getting a kind-of lead role... Yay!! :D

On a more depressing note...
Poor Adam. I don't know his full name, how old he was, or anything. All I know is that he was a student at Patterson Mill and that he committed suicide because he was being bullied. Bullied! I can't believe that bullying is getting so bad... It's awful! And I feel like no one does anything about it, except give a little slap on the wrist and a "No, no, that's not nice," and then just turns their back.  Bullying is a serious issue. Getting bullied SUCKS, trust me. No one should bully, ever. But it happens. It will always happen, I know that. Kids are too immature and self-conscious, so they lash out. It's awful. I want to find a way to stop this... But I don't know how. It's so overwhelming...

The band :)

I am so happy and blessed to be a part of this amazing group.  They are the best group of guys I could have asked for.  We always have so much fun together, but we know how to focus when we need to.  Thank you so much for making me feel like I'm actually part of the band, even though I'm a girl and my only instrument is my voice.  You guys have no clue how much you mean to me :)

I LOVE YOU!!!!

My music

"Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules
Of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes: and leap!"

"I'm through accepting limits

'Cuz someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!"

"As someone told me lately:

"Ev'ryone deserves the chance to fly!"
And if I'm flying solo
At least I'm flying free
To those who'd ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I'm flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I'll match them in renown
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!"

"This is your life

Are you who you wanna be?

This is your life,

Is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger

And you had everything to lose?"

Okay, Seriously??

What the heck was I thinking? Why oh why did I have to let my curiosity get the better of me?????????  I asked him why he did what he did, and you know what he said? YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?!?!?!?!? "Yo era loco, y soy loco" aka "I was crazy and I am crazy." THAT. IS. NOT. AN. ANSWER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! buttface. jerkface. :P:P:P:P:P  I could seriously strangle him right now.

*sigh* Why oh why did I do that??

Wordle--Check it!

Learning Through Mistakes

So, I was grounded for... Two weeks, I think.  Something like that.  I wasn't miserable, but I wasn't happy.  And the problem is, I was grounded for going on a date with a guy, then lying to my parents about it.  Not smart, right?  Right.
And I thought it was totally worth it.  For, oh, I don't know, three days? Four?  After this guy had avoided me for three days of school, he showed up to auditions holding the hand of his ex-girlfriend.  You know, the one he told me was with (well, before he broke up with her the first time) "only out of obligation"?  Yeah.  He had spent the entire summer plus the school year before that getting to know me, letting me get to know him, basically putting up this front.  And I trusted him, believed him.  We got along so well.  And, the big warning, the I-should've-seen-it-coming statement, "I won't hurt you. I promise."  Whenever a guy says that, be prepared to get hurt.
So, I feel insanely bi-polar.  Most of the time, I'm just hurt.  But that comes out in a "I really want to strangle you" kind of way.  Thankfully, I manage to keep that stuffed away in some deep dark corner somewhere (most of the time) and pull out my "Well, I hate you but I have to see you every day, so we might as well play nice" self. It's worked, so far. Let's pray that holds, at least until graduation.
If I never see him again, it'll be too soon...

Rachel's Challenge

Rachel's Challenge

#1) Look for the best in others--

              Eliminate prejudice

#2) Dare to dream--

              Set goals and keep a journal

#3) Choose positive influences--

              Input determines output

#4) Kind words--

              Little acts of kindness = Huge results!

#5) START A CHAIN REACTION!!

Rachel's Challenge is amazing! It was started because of an 18 year old girl who was shot and killed at Columbine High School in 1999. And today, 12 years later, she is still touching lives. Wow!

You know that feeling?

When you hold hands with the guy you like for the first time?
When you're touched by a girl who died when you were 5?
When that girl started a movement that involves millions of people at age 18, and didn't know it?

That's what I felt today. And they were good feelings. My day was amazing!

Growing Up

Lay off
Leave me alone
I'm sick of your crap
I'm done with your *****ing
I can do what I want
So just watch me fly
I don't need you
Or your silly little stories
I don't need your made-up lies
I don't need your jealous glare
I thought we were mature
Above all the petty insecurities
But I guess you aren't
So too bad for you.
But whatever you do,
Don't try and bring me down
I'm a free spirit,
With a mind of my own.
You can't control me,
So watch me soar
And leave you behind
While I fly away
Content with myself
And what I've chosen.

I just want to be gone.

I just want to start over.
A clean slate.
No one knows me
And I know no one.
Where relationships aren't based
On "he said, she said" lies
But on mutual trust
Friendship
Respect
And loyalty.
My utopia?
That's a place where everyone gets along.
No one feels self-conscious
Sensitive
Unimportant.
Everyone is loved equally
And everyone loves equally.
That's my utopia
My retreat
My safety.
What's yours?

Seriously??

Knock it off. You are not queen of this house. I don't CARE how much your freaking stomach hurts. Either lay down and nurse it, or GET OVER IT. Stop being a total grouch, and actually let people do you favors. Oh, and remember what she said about the music? Yeah. Don't fight, or she'll take it away. You start fights when you turn on the radio, hear a country song, then turn it off. Is it MY fault that our radio doesn't get your stupid pop station?? NO! So suck it up. I'm sick and tired of your stupid, irritating, priggish ways. Get over yourself.

Geez, I can't wait to LEAVE. Seriously. This will be the best. Vacation. Ever.

Dear Theo,

Remember that promise you made 3 years ago? Time to deliver...

Sincerely,

MANGO!!!!!

Declaration

I WILL be strong this year. I do not need a boyfriend or a posse to get me through this year, no matter what happens. I will not let anyone's crap distract me from my goals and my plans for the future. No petty drama is more important than that. I will not live in the moment, so that I can live for the future.

If you have an issue with this, I don't care. I will do whatever it takes, because I know that what I want means rising above what people will think or say. I know that my dreams rest on doing well, and I know that doing well rests on not letting myself get sucked into the mire of teenage drama.

My future is mine, and no one will take it from me.

Haiku

'Neath the nighttime skies
The heart reveals its follies
And will bleed for all

Khaled Hosseini Said it Right

"I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night."

~Amir, The Kite Runner

...Confused...

Does he like me for me?

Or does he "like" me because he's lonely and I was nice to him?

Words

Words are tools of destruction, tearing people down, breaking them apart, then burning the pieces.


I hate everything. But, most of all...






I hate her. And I hate myself.

Things change, I guess. But so soon?

Ugh. We found a cicada at work today. That was not fun. I still shudder thinking about it. Ick.

Apparently, all the staying up I did last night did nothing good for me. Instead that I got this freaky, intense feeling that everything is going to change, and soon, and that I have to enjoy and document every moment of it. It's pretty scary, and kind of humbling, too. Like, what have I done with my life? Nothing, it seems. I haven't lived life, really. I feel like I've just been plodding through it, heedless of many opportunities that I won't ever have again. This is so depressing.

My Day

In Highlights...

Highlight #1: Haleigh! I got to see her at church, and it was just awesomeness :)

Highlight #2: Christine! She's not grounded anymore :D

Highlight #3: Party at the Tellup's (and watching Princess Bride with Pat, who has never before seen that epic (but slightly cheesy) movie).

And in Low Points...

Low Point #1: Work. REALLY GRETA?!?!?!?!?!?!? Seriously. It's nice that you warned us that you were going to bring 10 people, but couldn't you have at least brought them before closing time? So, thanks. A ton. Also, whoever opened either did a not-great job, or we were 1,000 times busier than normal. I'm gonna go with the former option on this one though. Emily had to come in, and thank goodness she did, because we were out of peanut butter, almost out of marshmallow, and running low on chocolate. Grrrrr.

Ahhh

Beach = Amazing.

I shall post some of my favorite pictures soon. Ish.

But until then, here is a link to my Picasa album, since it is easier and quicker and better-looking than Facebook: https://picasaweb.google.com/105229165953765549251/BroadkillSummer2011#

Au revoir!

work :)

Even though work was slow, and it kind of sucked, there were some highlights.

Highlight #1: Haleigh's favorite elective is Drama :) MY drama, might I add :D

Highlight #2: Julie got marshmallow on the seat of her pants, so Sam pointed it out. Julie flipped out and ran to the bathroom to try to get it off. This is probably one of those things that you had to be there for, but it was hilarious. Sam and I felt so bad for laughing, but her reaction was just so funny! She couldn't get the marshmallow off, either.

Highlight #3: Mark came to visit me after he got off work, and I threw ice at him. He said it was hard to decide, so I started my litany of questions: ice cream or snowball? what size? flavor? marshmallow? He responded I don't know to the first question so I stuck my hand under the ice machine so I had a little pile of ice and I chucked it at him. Then my boss was like "Hey! Don't throw ice at the customers!" (But he was the one who sort of suggested it, so I'm pretty sure he was kidding). Anyways, that was a lot of fun.

Grr, drama. Let me just say that parents of a 17 year old who is serious about whatever you don't want her to be serious about, leave it alone. She will have the legal ability to move out and get a place of her own. So be careful--you could lose her for life.

Just sayin'.

Secrets

Gah, I hate not being able to tell people something that's really exciting. But, I have found an outlet for my excitement that does not involve letting the cat out of the bag. So, yay!

Do You?

Do you sit up late at night
To watch the glittery sky
Waver through your unshed tears?
Do you hide in a corner
Hoping against all hope
To be invisible while you cry?
Do you plod through life
At a turtle's pace
Wondering when life will begin?
Do you know what it's like
To be me?